thanks, momma.

It is Mothers Day, May 8th, 2016. I am sitting on my couch in my underwear, drinking ginger peach green tea, with a sore throat and an exhausted heart. Since Mothers Day last year, my mom and I have been through a lot together, and sometimes I’m truly amazed we’re both still standing.

This journey we’re on together, mother and daughter, has taught me a lot about motherhood, and it’s taught me even more about our Lord (something I will address in another blog on another day…)

About three months ago I began to really think about being a mother myself. I felt closer to that possibility than ever before as my boyfriend of over a year began to make comments about us raising children together one day, taking them to church, eating meals together. And my heart started dreaming – birthday parties, middle names, reading books together, and teaching them about Jesus. I was so excited. Ecstatic. Elated.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn’t get to dream long since my boyfriend broke up with me a few days later.

I called my mom ugly-crying, unable to speak through the mess of tears on my face. And she just let me cry. Anytime she spoke I could hear the pain in her voice as she suffered with me – wishing with all her heart that she could take away the pain, the hurt, the betrayal.

This is not the first time she’s done this for me – suffered with me – and I doubt it will be the last.

Today, I can’t wait to call my mom when I know she’s out of church and done with lunch (probably at some delicious Tex-Mex staple). I can’t wait to tell her how much I love her and how I wouldn’t have made it through this awful first-year-out-of-college without her. I can’t wait to tell her how I wish I could’ve made her breakfast-in-bed like I did while growing up. I can’t wait to remind her of moments where she really touched my life. I can’t wait to simply say, “Thanks, mom.”

Because my mom is my best friend. She has enjoyed the birthday parties (I hope) and always loved reading books to me. But more than that she has taught me who Jesus is, and she has loved me like Jesus loves every single day of her life – even when it was painful or trying or nearly impossible.

She wakes up each day with the sole purpose of being Jesus to me, and for that I am so very grateful.

One day I will mostly likely have the joy of naming my child, planning his or her birthday parties, and eating meals together with my child and my husband. But knowing the type of mother and woman my mom is makes me all the more excited to love people like Jesus loves them here, now, today.

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